The Process of Grief - Allowing grief out
Everyone deals with grief differently. People cry, laugh, busy themselves with work, throw up, or even feel numb. Some recover quickly, while others take their time. Grief is a natural healing process, and there’s no “right” way to do it.
For some people, grief can become too painful. It can grow into something totally different, like depression or anxiety. Other times, grief might last far too long, and take over a person’s life for years on end. This is called complicated grief.
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"An English professor at college once told our class about how he dealt with the death of a close friend. He said he went home and played a recording of the saddest music he knew. he plunged into the darkness; he acknowledged his grief and allowed it to pour out. He knew that the only way he could get beyond his loss was to allow himself to feel the pain in all its intensity."
- Helen Luke in The Way of Woman.
Grief is an overwhelming emotion.
We all deal with grief differently and, regardless of how strong your faith is, when someone you love dies, your heart will waver. Dealing with loss is difficult, exhausting, emotional, and painful.
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How long does grief tend to last?
There is no time limit on grief and this varies hugely person to person. The time spent in a period of bereavement will be different for everybody and depends on factors such as the type of relationship,the strength of attachment or intimacy to the person who died, the situation surrounding their death, and the amount of time spent anticipating the death.
Grief as a winter house:
"Grief seems to me like a winter house: guarded, sheltered against an outside world that's expected to be difficult. The windows are small to keep out the cold, and little light gets in. The darkness and warmth make a cozy place to hide, to nurse wounds, to incubate what is not yet ready to be exposed."
- Janet Cedar Spring in Take Up Your Life
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Grief as a sign of love:
"Grief is love not wanting to let go."
- Earl A. Grollman in Living with Loss
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Tasks of Mourning
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After a death, survivors are left to face the pain of grief, and a new world without their loved one. Mourning is the process of adapting to loss through the completion of four tasks.
Keep in mind that adapting doesn’t mean forgetting, it means finding a way to cherish the memories of a loved one, while continuing to move forward in life. It means adjusting to a world without the deceased, while holding a place for them in your heart.
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Understanding the Process of Grief.
Colin Murray Parkes, in his book “Bereavement”, suggests four phases in the grief process.
1. NUMBNESS:
Emotions are frozen.
2. PINING:
Desire to bring back the lost.
3. DEPRESSION:
Preoccupation with the loss.
4. RECOVERY:
Development of a renewed identify.
Based upon Elizabeth Kubler-Ross’ research on death and dying, the following model for understanding the normal reactions to grief and loss has been developed. Individuals experiencing grief are likely to experience a range of these emotions as they work through the grief process.
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Quotes
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“Silverman and Klass do not see bereavement or grieving as ever fully resolved, culminating in “closure” or “recovery” They propose that rather than “letting go” the bereaved person negotiates and renegotiates the meaning of their loss over time. Death is permanent, however grieving and mourning can maintain the presence of the deceased in the web of the family, they are remembered and not forgotten, they continue to have a role in the memories of the bereaved.”
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“Embrace your grief. For there, your soul will grow. Carl Jung”
“The death of a loved one and the grief that follows is one of the hardest experiences we as human beings can go through.”
“How you deal with grief may be different than another person who is also grieving and sometimes, grief quotes can help us with loss. They can also be a way to reach out to someone you know who is grieving.”
“It can be hard to know exactly what to say to someone who lost a loved one to counteract their grief. Reaching out to let that person know you are thinking about them in times of grief can really make an impact and mean a lot.”
“Grief is incredibly hard to experience, which is why it's important to remind those who are grieving that things will be okay and provide them with hope in spite of the pain.”
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